February 2012
2 posts
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January 2012
22 posts
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It sucks, but
Sometimes you have to be an asshole, and sometimes, you have to call people out in public.
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That doesn't seem like a fair trade to me
Since the birth of my niece, my mom has been baby crazy, and it’s been coming out more and more. Mom: Oh, I bought these nice sake cups for your girlfriend. Me: Uhh, okay. Mom: So she’s probably gonna ask if I want something. Me: Maybe. Mom: And I do, a grandchild.
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Full of stuff...cause I like stuff.: A real woman →
unkamatt:
A real woman …. is a man’s best friend. She will never stand him up and never let him down. She will reassure him when he feels insecure and comfort him after a bad day. She will inspire him to do things he never thought he could do; to live without fear and forget regret. She will enable him to…
Matt’s giving the eulogy at my wedding.
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Every one of us is special
If you’re going to complain about how the media displays the ideal woman, don’t follow up that post with three pictures of a shirtless Ryan Gosling.
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“How come they never advertise buttwax on tv?”
– My mother, total Southern lady.
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Things
Like most little boys, I dreamed of one day having a huge wedding celebration. The big show, the music, the people, the food, the memories that would last a lifetime with the woman I loved. Now it turns out, I just want the cake.
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New York City?
Apparently I’m going there next month, so now I can finally visit all those salsa plants they talk about in Pace picante sauce commercials.
That's the way we were
As a young child, I always had a dog, and most of time it was a terrier breed. But before we had all the Schnauzers, we had a German Shepherd mix, and she was huge. Eventually she got to be too hard to handle in the city, so we drove her out to the country and let her out of the car. I was very sad when we got home, so my grandma cheered me up by telling me some farmer would surely give my dog a...
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Recently widowed mother kills intruder while on... →
Okay, the dad died on Christmas, but are they sure it was this past year? (Forward it to 1:36)
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Damn, did the middle of my sentence interrupt the...
I simply despise people who interrupt when others are talking, it’s incredibly rude. The next person who does it to me is getting a salmon to the face.
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You know who you look like?
No, and I’d prefer we kept it that way.
Mi vida loca
I started this new year in a way that isn’t too uncommon, in an ER. My normally lovely and healthy girlfriend was stricken with food poisoning, and after treating her at home for a while, I took her ass to the ER.
Update: We ended up waiting two hours before she was seen, meanwhile all the stupid drunks got the VIP treatment. Ugh. One drunk partially tore off his arm and his girlfriend came in...
December 2011
21 posts
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haiku
the winds of winter piping discord through the rooms gleaning the star-crossed
Harsh
A while back, I went to a showing of a bunch of Russian art. The paintings weren’t all that great, but the biographies were awesome. “…killed by NKVD in 1936,” “…arrested and shot by NKVD.” I left the place unmoved by the paintings, but got a whole new found appreciation for Russian art critics.
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Levels
My girlfriend gave me a tie, I guess that means it’s no longer casual.
Anonymous asked: Whats different with the name Hector?
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I'm umm, white?
My ethnic and racial background is pretty damn mixed, from Chilean to Sephardi Jew to Welsh to Native American, and just about everything in between. In theory, I could check about any box under race, but in reality (look at my pictures), I check “White.” The name Hector has had its ups and downs, I know I got scholarships because of it, but I also know I was turned down for jobs. And...
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Do you guys ever have that, I dunno
Not so fresh feeling?
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Manliness
If you’re man enough, all underwear is edible.
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Ingrid Michaelson - Can’t help falling in...
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Priorities
No matter how poor I get, I always buy good beer and good toilet paper.
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Meh
Lying in bed with the gf, she has her retainer in and is wearing glasses… We’ve hit that stage
November 2011
19 posts
These TIME cover comparisons are giving me one...
paradoxolojest:
Because I shit you not, if you actually go to their website and look through their cover archives, for every instance of an attempt at US press censorship you see, there’s an equal and opposite instance of an attempt at foreign press censorship.
It’s simple physics, really.
Fact checking
Tumblrinos, you need to start doing that before you reblog shit.
I want to apologize for getting nude at your...
See, I take heartburn medication and I’m not supposed to drink half a bottle of Wild Turkey with it. Crazy medication side effects.
