February 2011
25 posts
Government to people: Eat less →
People: NOM NOM NOM
January 2011
41 posts
How do you feel about cake?
Maybe I procrastinate a little too much, but I think it’s pretty important to keep the “Christ” in “Presidents Day.”
2 tags
Last night I stood in front a bar’s bathroom sink, waving my hands trying to get the water to start. It didn’t. After another gentleman left the one he was at, I moved to that one started the process again, to no avail. So, obviously, I moved to the third sink and started waving my hands again, nothing. Then a guy turned the knob to get the water to start for me.
Elevator lies
“3500LBS or 25 capacity MADE IN THE USA” I would love to believe you elevator, but the average American is over 140…
I wonder if necrophiliacs are really into dead people, or just enjoy the quiet.
Just because you’ve seen me naked doesn’t mean you can add me on Facebook, there are rules. (I posed nude once, pervs)
"I wanna meet a woman who likes me for me"
Oh man, that’s the last thing I want. I mean, have you met me?
What the fuck should I make for dinner? →
Hipsters of the Phoenix area, I know, you’re cool. So cool. However, you do need an education on what actually is a “dive bar.” Just because a place is next door to a smoke shop does not make it “extra divey,” it’s also down the street from a “luxury golf resort.” Dimly lit lights are popular in all bars, these weren’t even that dimly lit. I...
I think Johnny Depp and I have a lot in common. After all, we both never finished high school and are from the backwoods of Kentucky.
One of the many things I miss about being younger is how much you could get so into silly little ideas. I remember one day my friend Luke and I spent a whole afternoon, and well into the night, just digging a hole in the back yard with a spoon and our little blue beach pails. We’d imagine we were going to find Indian jewels or make secret tunnels all over our neighborhood. We thought if kept...
At my old job, some of the customers were like fine wine. All I wanted to do is drive corkscrews into them, but my co-workers kept saying, “Not yet, let’s wait for a special occasion.”
The best part about being sarcastic is the that even if people don’t understand my sarcasm, at least I’m helping them feel better about their lives.
1 tag
Women are like diamonds: The ones you see on TV are always nicer than the ones you can actually afford.
In my science days, I was a lab technician for the University of Wisconsin. I did it not so much because I love science, but because I really hate mice.
2 tags
Full of stuff...cause I like stuff.: Hectorism #4 →
unkamatt:
“You should message me if you are a Communist of poon. You like to share your poon with everybody.” -Hector
Ok, just to be nice, we were joking about making a dating profile online that all the answers would just be poon. For example:
Self Summary: I like poon.
What I’m doing with my life:…
I’m a classy guy.
1 tag
Even though I am not a fan of wrestling nor of his movies, it would destroy my world if Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson accidentally killed himself while running with scissors.
Dear Hollywood movie producers who read my blog, We get it, Focker sounds like Fucker. It was a little funny the first time we heard it in 2000, but that was over ten years and three movies ago. Stop it. Love, Héctor
